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About Traditional Art / Hobbyist Member CharlyFemale/United Kingdom Recent Activity
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Poor little girl, oh why are you crying?
My head is filled with thoughts of dying
I can’t make it stop and it won’t go away
I keep lying to you I’m not really okay


Poor little girl, please take off your jumper?
It’s silly to be wearing indoors in the summer
I can’t take it off, I need it to hide
My arms, they reflect how I’m feeling inside


Poor little girl, oh won’t you eat your dinner?
No you don’t understand I need to be thinner
I despise how I look, my heads starting to spin
The voices are back I didn’t mean to let them in

Poor little girl, please for me will you smile?
Its hidden away I haven’t seen it in a while
You drove it away just like everyone else
The words you told me made me hate myself


Poor little girl, oh won’t you put down the blade?
No the pain helps me escape the mess that I’ve made
I know it’s sadistic to adore it as I bleed
But I just can’t explain it, it’s what I crave and need


Poor little girl, please tell me why we’re here?
In this hospital room, the same as last year
Don’t you see I wasn’t planning to wake up in bed
When I took those pills I thought I’d end up dead
Attempt # by Sweetwii044
Attempt #
I dont even know anymore, Ive lost count, took off my drip and swallowed a load of pills that I had an allergic reaction too aswell, was on fluids and insulin (one in each arm) and continuous ECG, good to be home, I think, Im tired so bed for me, not really sure what Im doing with myself, did I want to die? yes. did I really want to die? im not sure, I rang a friend to say goodbye and sorry and then ended up in the back of an ambulance. I dunno what to do anymore
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For my last journal, I really didnt mean to scare or upset anyone, I was just scared.

I didnt make it through and ended up OD on solfadol which resulted in resus as my heart rate dropped really low and my temperature spiked, I was kept over night and had a really nice psychiatrist speak to me today, he's awesome. Getting help and trying to keep my head above water

Hope you're all okay

Charly
  • Mood: Miserable

Im getting scared because I can’t stop the voice in my head the one that tells me to grab blades or pills or my medicine and do bad things and I cant reach for help because I don’t know how to turn to someone and tell them all that’s running through my mind 24/7 ish how to kill myself and that the voices are getting more. I don’t really want their help anyway, after countless attempts I just want to simply go to sleep and not wake up 

  • Mood: Miserable
Are C*nts. Excuse my language but they arent worth my time thinking of insulting vocabulary.

Today I had 2 lesson gap on my timetable, a study period, or as students like to call them: free's. During this time we can use parts of college, in my case the library to get on with extra revision, homework  etc. I was sitting at a computer doing photography work and talking to a friend next to me, lets call her A, we were talking quietly as the normal librarian (who ive known roughly 6 years) was sick and there was a cover person. 

About 30 mins in everyone is quiet because the cover person wont stop yelling at anyone who breathes, I grab a pack of sweets cos my blood sugar was low and munch quietly before I know it Im being yelled at for eating and I quickly respond, oh Im type 1 diabetic Im allowed to which she doesnt reply only glare. Five minutes pass and she walks away and then comes over to me and demands I hand her my phone, which leaves me quite shocked because as part of the 6th form college phones are a privilege that we have during our free time, not in lessons of course. At which point everyone (of which the majority are also using phones) are staring at me. So I just do it.

I get on with my work feeling frustrated and confused as to what I had done wrong and decide as lunch approaches to go and see the 6th form leader, who has been given my phone. I explain to her my point of view and show her the large amount of work I have completed that study session and she tells me that a teacher has a right to confiscate my phone at any time, to which I reply the girl next to me and everyone else uses there's (there is no rule against it) but was told that was irrelevant (I dont think so, its targeting/ bullying). We also discussed the eating, to which she told me to control my medical condition better and if I need to get up and leave the room, (anyone with Type 1 or knows the condition will know that this is not an option and I need to eat and also puts me at more of a risk). At this point I was quite upset and so left the office and sat behind the building ending up in tears.

I rang a friend to calm down because I felt so volatile and scared, he helped me calm down and I said I was going home as I only had one lesson in the afternoon and more study time, and needed to go home. I rang my nan to see if I could talk to her, but she didnt pick up. My mother and father were both there when I got home and I told them exactly what happened getting worked up again about the whole thing, my father (the calmer of the two) rang the school and said spoke to her, which got heated up and resulted in basically that teacher taking my phone off me because Id stood up to her about eating and the person in charge continuing to blame me for the situation because of my condition, which is ridiculous, there is only so much I can control. My parents are arranging a meeting which the college is reluctant too but it needs to happen, im anxious and feel small, I don't like making a fuss but Im not going to let people walk over me because of a medical condition, you wouldnt accuse someone in a wheelchair of taking up too much space in the corridor, my condition, however invisible, is just as real, not to say more important, but I am still registered disabled in the eyes of my government and I have rights.

Agreed? Or am I being a drama queen?
  • Mood: Miserable

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Sweetwii044
Charly
Artist | Hobbyist | Traditional Art
United Kingdom
Im here. Im living. Im fighting. My art is my therapy. ♥

Cuddle craver. Music maniac. Film fanatic. Art adorer. Serious studier. Pro Procrastinator. Soulmate seeker. Headphone hoarder. Laptop lover. Amazingly affectionate. Comfortably curvy. Incredibly imaginative. Secretly shy.
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For my last journal, I really didnt mean to scare or upset anyone, I was just scared.

I didnt make it through and ended up OD on solfadol which resulted in resus as my heart rate dropped really low and my temperature spiked, I was kept over night and had a really nice psychiatrist speak to me today, he's awesome. Getting help and trying to keep my head above water

Hope you're all okay

Charly
  • Mood: Miserable

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:icondenvitanarren:
DenVitaNarren Featured By Owner 2 hours ago
Thanks for the fave! :D
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:iconshedares:
SheDares Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2014  Student General Artist
I decided that you needed a hug...

:heart: Hug Huggle! Tight Hug Squish Hug 2 -  The Eye Poke Ninja glomp Squish Hug 2 -  The Eye Poke Tight Hug Huggle! Hug:heart:
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:iconsweetwii044:
Sweetwii044 Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
thank you jenny :hug:

right back at ya 
Heart Hug Huggle! Tight Hug Squish Hug 2 -  The Eye Poke Ninja glomp Squish Hug 2 -  The Eye Poke Tight Hug Huggle! HugHeart
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:icondenvitanarren:
DenVitaNarren Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2014
Thank you very much for the watch and fave! :D
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:iconsweetwii044:
Sweetwii044 Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
No problem :D
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:iconladyoffrost:
LadyOfFrost Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks for the +fav ! :happybounce: 
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:iconsweetwii044:
Sweetwii044 Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
No problem, lovely work :)
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:iconladyoffrost:
LadyOfFrost Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Hug 
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:icontheghostvirus:
TheGhostVirus Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank you for the :+fav: :D
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:iconsweetwii044:
Sweetwii044 Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Most welcome
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